Reasons

Well, I found out why I was dumped... Turns out the guy I was seeing has Parkinson's Disease and is not sure how to handle a relationship and his illness. I have Lupus and have had to deal with it for 10 years now. I, if anyone knows how difficult it can be to figure out when to tell someone, how to gauge his or her reaction, etc. It seems that it could be easier to just let go. Much like being Bipolar. I will tell someone about my Lupus long before I tell him or her I am Bipolar. There is still a stigma to illness and it's hard to get past.

He has no excuse for bailing on me because of being ill. I of all people am not going to run and hide because he has a disease. We have decided to be friends and I guess see what happens from there. I really like him, but I can't force him to be comfortable with me. He told me and no one else at works knows so I guess that's a good thing.

I have decided to start school again, just one class. I am not too sure if I can handle more than that right now. School has always been a thorn in my side. I want to get through it but can never seem to make it. I know it's the Bipolar, but it's hard to accept. I have been feeling pretty good lately so maybe it's a good time to start. I, as you all are aware, have to be careful of my stressors in life so I made sure it's a class that I find interesting and can stick with.

Oh well, I will keep checking in as class starts. I am already reading to get a head start. I think that way I may feel less overwhelmed. Have a good week.

Feels Like

Hello There!
It has been a while...
Things are going all right. But it feels like there is something missing in my life. I am no longer seeing the last guy. He ended things via email. Even worst, since we work together he broke things off via work email. I think I am still searching for love outside of myself and not in myself. I feel so empty sometimes. Mentally things have been all right, I am not that upset about the break up. Maybe it's the Abilify, maybe not.

I am still looking for that love that I just can't seem to get my arms around. It's so hard to locate it, and every time I feel like I am close it's still so far away. Am I making any sense?

I am still going to therapy, but it seems that I have less and less to talk about. I am finding that with most of my relationships lately. There just seems to be less and less to talk about. Am I closing off? It feels like it. And if I am, why?