Wait

I am waiting for something good to happen. Not sure what it is, but something’s gotta give. Things lately have been pretty dull; everything's is the same. I am in definite financial debt, the Abilify has caused me to gain 30+ pounds, and I believe I am depressed but just not really "experiencing" it. That's the bad thing about drugs; sometimes I would like to feel, to be like everyone else. I feel but it's a shallow version of feeling. Instead, it makes me a little blank.

I am not happy now, that I know. A big part of it is the fact that I have gained all this weight back. I had lost a considerable amount of weight; I went from 338 to 264, now I weigh 301. I want to cry. The thing is I am not lazy; I have always been overweight, but not lazy. I am not what people think of when they think about overweight people. I don't lie around eating all day. Instead I always out doing stuff, I am active I walk on the treadmill and take walks with my friends. I try to take the stairs at work instead of the elevator so now I am very irritated.

I hate this.