Updates

Things have been really busy for me lately. I can't believe the last time I posted was the 5th. You all are probably thinking I fell off the face of the earth. I also haven't checked email, so I do apologize.

Things at work have been very much in scramble and that has been keeping me wrapped up in a lot of crap. I finally did take that money from my 401K and paid off both my therapist and crack-dealer (psychiatrist). I had to find a new crack-dealer that would take my insurance. I hate insurance by the way. She's okay, but I can't be too picky considering it's terribly difficult to find a crack-dealer this time of year. I was so afraid that I was going to run out of meds, but my old dealer agreed to keep up my scripts until I found someone else.

Now, on the boyfriend front... My ex and I have been seeing each other a lot lately and old feelings are there again. He was, once upon a time, believed to be the one; so I guess it's hard to tuck those kinds of feelings away for a long time. The married boyfriend and I have just sort of dwindled away into oblivion. I am kind of glad it's happening that way because that means there will be fewer hurt feelings if there are any at all. I haven't had the conversation yet where I say things are over, but I really think I want to give this thing another shot with my ex. He went to therapy with me in order to try to help prove his intentions towards me; the session was very profound.

I now realize the married one was there to give me a glimpse of how things should be for me. So I could see how I should be being treated. So I am holding my ex accountable for things. He needs to be honest, trustworthy, dependable, and considerate. Not too long ago I couldn't tell you what I was looking for in a man; but now I can. I appreciate that. Those are the qualities that let me know someone really cares. I am holding him accountable and he knows that if he doesn't stick to them I am gone. For once I have the upper hand and I am going to make it work for me.