Miss Halfway

I have realized that I have definite issues with commitment. I don't know why though. I can blame other people for the things they do, but it's not like I am willing to give myself 100% either. I guess I am afraid to get hurt.

I confessed to my therapist that I was seeing my ex again. She asked if I didn't feel bad about cheating on my boyfriend. I thought that since he was married that I shouldn't think anything of it. But the truth of the matter is that I feel pretty guilty about the entire thing. She said that he was being as honest with me as he could and I wasn't being honest by seeing my ex.

"How would you feel if he was seeing someone else?" She asked.

I would feel like shit. I think what it boils down to is the fact that I am scared to death to give all of myself to someone. I am afraid they will take it and crush me. Kill everything inside. Could I see myself giving all of me to someone? I suppose so. It would not be easy, but I am sure I could. That's an interesting question; I will have to think on it a little longer to figure out why my answer was not just an emphatic yes.

In the meantime my boyfriend is on his way here, we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks. I think I am adapting to this time away thing. I miss him but it is bearable. The world isn't going to collapse if I don't see him for a couple of days or so. I have no idea what we are doing.

The ex is becoming a little too needy. He actually wanted me to tell him not to go to his cousin’s party last night but instead come over to my place. Not so much.

Oh well, everyone have a great week. Mine has to be better than last week was. I got into trouble for being late with a report. I learned my lesson and believe me it won't happen again. Now that I am back in my comfort zone at work this week should be better.

Have a good one :)