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Let's start with an odd little note...

There are these bugs that keep congregating on my window. They don't do anything but sit there on the screen and chill. They don't move, nothing. They just hover in a little mass. There is probably about 20-25 of them. Maybe they are trying to keep warm since it's been getting cold here in Mary-Land!

Well, I must say I have been less and less anxious this week. Not sure if it's the book or not, but I am not as paranoid, etc. Maybe because things sort of quieted down at work a bit. I am a training manager and instructional designer, which means I manage other trainers and I write curriculum for classes. I was designing a huge program that had a lot of attention associated with it and it has kicked off and seems to be a success. I can say that I am proud of the work I did and better yet of the people I have hired. So knowing that work has been a bit easier I think has helped. There are a lot of projects coming up, but they are good projects and I think they will be fun.

Love life... I believe it's time to get rid of both the current boyfriend and the ex. Neither is serving any major necessity in my life lately. With the boyfriend, I am sick of being in a relationship where I am not getting any emotional response in return. Ever since his wife started acting crazy this last time, he has shut down completely. We don't even have anything to say to each other on the phone. I am calling less and less and have less and less of a need to hear his voice.

As for the ex, his feelings are too involved. It's sort of funny because the shoe is on the other foot between us. He is very much in the place I used to be with him, wondering what it is that I want from him, etc. The only thing he is doing for me is sexual, and that's not going to lead to anything good.

I found out that my health insurance is going to be paying less for psych next year. Both my crack-dealer and my psychologist are out of my health insurance network so I am going to have to find some that are in so that I can save money. I guess I will start looking now. That sucks majorly! It also means I am going to be walking away owing both of them. I owe my psychologist about $1200 and my crack dealer about $550. Oh well, that's the story of my life. I would be nothing if not broke. I have to look today at doing some crafty money works to get the rent paid. I may have to go back to my parents, but I hope not.

I have been reading a book called Bipolar II, it's by Ronald R. Fieve, M.D. He's a crack-dealer/Professor at Columbia University who apparently was one of the first docs to start treating BAD II. Anyway, the book gives a whole new perspective on Bipolar. It discusses how to use it to your advantage, and how to lessen the depressive states. It is very interesting, and has sort of given me a new perspective on being Bipolar.

Oh well... Everyone out there, have a great week, stay positive and know that there is someone out here that loves and appreciates you just the whacky way we all are!

(Now that was damn positive of me :0) )