Too Much, Part 2

Well, I ended up calling my crackdealer and she thought my inability to concentrate and overall ADHD may have been coming from too much Abilify.

I have been hitting the Xanax pretty darn hard lately and taking Klonipin to sleep on occasion. She had me go from 20 mgs of Abilify to 15 mgs to see if it helped. Yesterday I was terribly shaky and needing to dope down, but today really isn't as bad as it was. I think I may be starting to feel a little more like myself again. I am still exhausted though. The initial acclimation period for me was about 2 weeks, so I am anticipating the same now.

My crack dealer met my Psychologist yesterday. I know they talk to each other about me, keeping check, or maybe just gossiping, but it was sort of weird hearing that they met. All I could think was what were they saying about me. Who told what. Obviously, my crack dealer gets the condensed version of everything my Psych hears on a bi-weekly basis, but still. It's kind of like when you have 2 friends that you share different things with and when they meet you are wondering what it is they are saying about you, like what you shared with them. Maybe I am just paranoid from the depression.

I am definitely depressed. I am supposed to throw a party at the end of the month, I was really psyched to throw it and now I am so not into it at all. I don't want to go out and walk, I can even almost care less if I see my boyfriend. All I want to do is lay in bed. I am not cleaning, I am not doing much of anything but eating and gaining weight.

I cant' wait for this to be over. I know every day is going to be a little bit better, but if we could get one day that was extraordinary, I would be so appreciative.