Where Does the Good Go?

It's funny how all of my posts tend to have something to do with a song I happen to be listening to at the time I am posting. That's usually due to the fact that iTunes is typically blasting when I am going through this process.

So things have been pretty bad these last couple of weeks. I honestly thought I was going to have to check in for a little quiet time on the 6th floor of Montgomery General Hospital. Luckily it did not come to that. I was feeling VERY unstable. So there in lies my question...

Where does the good go?

I was so happy, so high, and then the rug was pulled out from under me. I was flying and then shot out of the sky into this gaping black hole deep, deep in my soul. Of course I understand the "good" was mania, but it was good.

Today is day 4 on the Abilify and I think I am starting to feel a little more even. I have to be careful though because the Abilify mixed with Prednisone can induce mania.

I hadn't noticed that I really had "checked out" of wok for 2 months or so. Really I hadn't produced anything. Crazy. I am a lot more focused now. I am developing and designing training, but I am also tired. I have told myself that I am not going to work tonight, but I feel like I need to. I have agreed to go into the office on Sunday because I just can't get everything done during the week. My manager picked up on the fact that I have been distracted lately. I had to finally explain to her what was going on and she was very understanding. We will see if it stays that way.

My crack-dealer gave me a sample pack of 25 mg Seroquel to take if the Abilify makes it impossible for me to sleep. Apparently that happens for a lot of people. I have been on the exhausted end of the Abilify. So I haven't taken the Seroquel.

I have started, just today, back on Weight Watchers. This is going to be my one thing that I can control. I really need that right now. Just one thing I can count on being able to predict. The funny thing about that is my life is such chaos, and I prefer it to be that way, but here I am looking for something to control. We shall see how it goes. My eating has been out of control. Completely in excess, but then again so has everything else, which is what happens for me when I'm manic. Food, sex, spending, whatever just in EXCESS!

I am finding myself having more and more conversations with myself. Not sure what that's about, but I ask myself questions, answer them, whatever.

As for the love life... It has been a great week. He stayed over Monday and last night. We had dinner Tuesday, but couldn't hook up Wednesday due to work (on both our parts). His wife is still stressing him and he shared that one day he will just wake up with the weight of the world on his head and just call her and tell her he wants a divorce. He is really getting tired of the "drama". One can only hope he gets tired of it sooner than later!