La La Land

First off let me just say that if I can give anyone any advice in life at all it is, "never get involved with a married man." It's just too difficult.

Tonight I have come to realize that I am not used to someone loving me. Being in love with me that is. I have never really had that in my life. Sure, I have had a lot of twisted versions of what other people may thin love is, but never have I been with someone who seems to have the same understanding. Now of course the biggest issue is the fact that he is married. Why he is, I don't know. Will he stay that way? I have no idea...

He realized that he said and did some really dumb things last night. He told me that he was being prideful and very dumb and it didn't matter about my past but that now was what really mattered. He was having a lot of pressures from home that he shared with me which are stupid beyond belief and piss me off. I am not pissed because here is this man that has been breaking his ass to provide a particular type of lifestyle for his family (meaning the wife) and it's being taken for granted, but because I cannot stand to see people being treated unfairly in any sense. He has a lot of pressure on him and we finally talked about it. He needs help with the little things that he has no time to do, but he can't bring himself to ask for help.

I noticed the other day when we were having a conversation about his business that he had a a financial business need but yet he didn't ask me for help. I don't mean he was asking me for money, I mean due to my line of business I am in a position to connect him with the people he needs to make things happen, and very quickly. This would benefit not only him and his business, but my line of business also. I connected him with the right people and it's a win-win situation for everyone. He's stressed by the thought of how to handle the amount of money that is coming in for him. I obviously work in the financial field so it only made sense that I help.

Today he was becoming overwhelmed with needing to go buy some clothes for work since he has the bulk of his clothes at the house where she is and not here but he can't find the time. Duh, I shop like every weekend, just give me the sizes and the cash and I will get you some clothes. All he needs are extra Polo's and khakis. He was actually amazed that I would do that for him. I stopped and told him that I have noticed that he is not used to having someone there to help him and support him. He fessed up to the fact that he doesn't have anyone to vent to and the times he has wanted to vent to me he hasn't because he is supposed to be my problem-solver. I told him that even the problem-solver needs someone to lean on from time to time and that I was here to be that person, that's what you do when you love someone and it's okay. I assured him that based on his actions in the past, I know he's my problem-solver and that I could not lose sight of that. He just looked at me, hugged me, kissed me, and then thanked me.

I mean the man was worried about finding time to do laundry. Why not bring it over to my place when you come and wash then... Kill 2 birds with one stone. Needless to say, his laundry will be clean from now on :) Anyway, he just shared that he has never had anyone want to be there for him with the intention of finding ways to make his life easier and it be an honest want.

We were very connected tonight, which we typically are. He is going to move out of his brother-in-laws place in Sept. because it's just straining us and our time together. He is also is having her come here this weekend so that she can leave Sunday morning and he can spend Sunday afternoon, night, and then Monday night with me. God the stolen moment planning is ridiculous. It's the part I hate the most, but it is what it I, and I have chosen this for myself.

On another note... We went to Comp USA tonight before going out to dinner (which of course was at my favorite restaurant) to get some junk for his piece of junk pc. While there I found the JBL Creature II subwoofer speakers that I wanted for my Mac. The black ones were on clearance, but my Mac is white (as they all are now). Next thing I know, he's off with the sales guy hunting down the white, so-not-on-clearance speakers. All I have to say is the DMB Central Park show has never sounded so good! I love my new speakers!!!!! I guess he has found the real way to my heart. A little Mac goes a long way with me :)