Drug of Choice

So I went to see my crack dealer, aka my psychiatrist, on Monday. I tried everything I could possibly think of to get her to ignore the fact that I have been playing with Mania lately. She saw right through it and then came my favorite part of the 20 minute, $110 visit...

Well there are a few drugs we can look at to try and get your mood cycling under control!

I started on Zyprexa. Loved it, hated the 60 pounds in 3-5 months of treatment I gained. Then there was Geodon, loved the weight loss it stimulated, hated the heart palpitations that put me in the hospital. We then ended on Lamictal. Lamictal is okay, but it doesn't have the anti-depressant qualities, so I felt much better on the Zyprexa than anything. Regardless, we stuck with the Lamictal.

Just recently I experienced a lovely flip-flop of mania and depression so now we have to re-address the whole drug of choice option. Okay, so we have increased the Lamictal and added Klonipin. I had been taking Xanax for the anxiety, but it's not cutting it anymore. As far as anti-psychotics go my new options are Seroquel, Risperdal, and Abilify. All of my research and a lovely talk with my pharmacist says Abilify may be the safest way to go. In the meantime, I am just going to have to function in this haze I exist in and try to be productive. Let's just say productivity is at an all-time low here. God I hate this process.

Right now I am so envious of those folks that can interact normally with others w/o the aid of pharmaceuticals. I am not sure that I can anymore. Before the Zyprexa I was at the point where I was a thin line away from cursing everyone at that even said hello to me. My responses were extremely inappropriate. I am still inappropriate, but not like that at all.

I am tired now, I need a nap from my Klonipin.