A Day of Clarity

So for the last 4 days, I have been mentally/emotionally in a really good place. I am so thanking God for Lamictal in my life.

I know I blogged about my bad night with my wonderful man, but we have reconciled (actually we did later that evening), and I am chalking it up to me PMSing - his being tired (because he is a brat when he's sleepy) - and the fact that he's a man!

I called him later to do that, I don't want us fighting thing, life is too short, our time is limited, blah, blah, blah... He stopped me, and said I don't have to apologize that he was wrong, he should have asked if I wanted to hang out, and that he hears all I say and it matters to him how I feel. He was just tired and being a man!

Why was he so tired you ask??? Well, he drove 10 hours straight Tuesday morning to get back here, took a 2 hour nap, and then came right to me because he missed me. The man was just exhausted. Now, I am not making excuses for him, but now that I have had time to step away and think the night through I realized we were both being petty about a lot of things.

I did find out that he has now decided to stay here permanently, but the wife will still be in N.C. I am not asking what that means because I don't want to get too caught up. I still don't have expectations of him leaving her, it's just that for now this relationship works for me. I will see him tonight, and that makes me happy, and when I don't see him next week, I will be fine then too.

As for other stuff. I love being able to focus. It is o refreshing because I feel like I have been walking around in this haze for like the past 5 months. I have still been productive at work enough to accomplish the things I had to, but when I think of all the progress I could have made if I had addressed or identified my increasing mania, it does somewhat disappoint me. I guess the good thing is I figured it out and now things are different. We live and learn.

I met this guy on my way to work this morning. He followed me all the way into the office practically only to tell me how beautiful he thought I was and to find out if he could call me sometime. I did give hi my cell number; afterall I date a married man, it's not like he isn't seeing someone else. We have an agreement anyway, what happens when he's not around, is what happens.

I guess the next quest is for me to figure out what takes place if I do meet someone I am interested in who is not attached and wants to be with me? I suppose I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now, I am interested in just having a friendship with a guy and seeing if I can trust myself in that situation. Who knows?

By the way, I also slept for 8 whole hours last night - God, I LOVE Ambien!